Boys, Sometimes A Girl Just Needs One

Yup I titled this after Britney Spears lyrics. Deal with it.

The last of the 3 entries that explain this blog's title. Boys.

In pre-school, I was determined to marry one of my classmates. In kindergarten, the boy around the corner, who I suppose you could call my "boyfriend", and I shared my first kiss when he rescued me from the evil fortress and whisked me away to safety (evil fortress = backyard swing set, safety = the other corner of the yard, you couldn't see from any window in the house so no one could put their noses in our business). Every year since then, all the way through school, I managed to find myself lost in a crush on some guy or another.

They say it's called "falling" in love because it hurts. Especially when it's over. Well, I've never been in love. But, I can assure you I understand this idea, because I "fall in like", which is almost worse than falling in love. Why, you ask? Because at least when you fall in love, it's typically reciprocated for at least a short amount of time, and for that time someone loves you as much as you love them. For me it tends to be one-sided. I like them, they manage to get me to help them with anything they need from projects to gift ideas for the girls they actually like. It's devastating. Yet, without fail, every year or so, I find a new guy to break my heart.

But I can't place all the blame on the males of this species because part of this is my fault. I got rejected enough when I was younger to form a bit of a complex. So that when someone does actually show any interest, I freak out and wonder what their ulterior motive is, because no one could actually like me. I'm pretty sure this mindset has actually cost me a few potential relationships because I didn't know how to respond to someone actually paying attention to me and not the attractive blond at the end of the bar or one of my gorgeous sorority sisters. I struggled in college because I wouldn't put out. I struggled after college because I never felt like I had truly settled in anywhere, and I didn't want to have to leave someone behind if a better job came up and I had to move. I was afraid of leaving something that never even had a chance to exist.

But I've come to realize that until I am happy with myself and where I am and what I'm doing, I won't be happy with anyone I meet. And so, I've stopped looking. Soon enough, my ride on this crazy roller coaster called my 20's, is going to slow down, and I will find myself somewhere I love, finally doing something I love, and I will be happy and with that happiness will come the man of my dreams. That doesn't mean I've sworn off all guys until that time comes - I still watch sports (partly because I love them, partly because athletes are great eye candy), I still people watch and scope out guys every chance I get, and if I'm out and you want to buy me a drink I won't turn it down. But, I've decided to stop worrying about when I'll meet someone, and worry more about enjoying the ride.
And when it comes to awkward first dates, I am the queen, so be ready for future entries on the awkwardness that is my dating life. They're tragic, they're hilarious, and more frequently than not, they're tragically hilarious.

Until next time, I'll be enjoying my life of books, boys, sports and..., and I hope you'll be enjoying whatever it is that makes your life happy.